Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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