The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
