btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
