I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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