walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
