She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
