on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
you had me at cake vodka
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
