I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
