you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
