I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Randomize
