it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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