my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
