FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
