If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
