Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
