four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
