i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
