You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Randomize
