This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
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