Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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