Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
