You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
