this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
