so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
