she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
