You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Farmville is her only friend.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
