We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
