The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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