You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
