Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
