I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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