girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
