the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
