is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
