If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
