I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
