highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
