ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
