I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
