i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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