So drunk, too bad you don't want this
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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