I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
