Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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