how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
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