Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
