im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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