If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Randomize
