oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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