I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Found your dick twin last night
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
you never un-have a 4some
My vagina just clenched in fear
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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