In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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